Anna Ditchburn: 00:00:04

I know you, you are afraid to speak up. You are scared of what other people think of you. And you blame yourself for what happened to you. I know how it feels. Because I’ve been there. If you found me, I’m so grateful you’re here. This podcast will give you hope. And now I’m your host, Anna ditchburn. I’m going to hold your hand and provide the guidance that I needed the most. It’s time for you to find your why. And turn your experience into your superpower. So lock your door, put your headphones in, and enjoy. Joan Claire Gilbert, welcome to the world’s best Trauma Recovery podcast.

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:00:56

Hi, good morning, Anna.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:00:58

So great to have you here. Joan. Joan-Claire. I have a first question for you. And it’s a bit tricky. Why gratitude is so important in your life.

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:01:09

Gratitude. Yeah, gratitude. For me, it’s important because it’s, it’s building that abundance mindset of, of being present to the miracles the most amazing blessings that we have in every moment. Right. So that’s interesting that you love with that question. I, I mean, for me, gratitude is true abundance mindset of just being in the moment and being present to the gifts of the moment. And that allows you to be more open to other gifts in your life. And in even seeing the gifts and the challenges that come up in our encounters with difficult people or situations. So yeah, that to me, that’s and I mean, that’s true. being truly alive is when you’re feeling gratitude, just living the abundance of a moment. Yeah,

Anna Ditchburn: 00:01:57

I love this answer. Because I know you are talking about being grateful and gratitude in your life. A lot of other podcasts as well. What are you grateful for?

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:02:10

Well, I’m, I’m most grateful for my faith. My, I grew up Catholic and I, I feel like I really delve more into my faith and my challenges in college and beyond. So I fall back on my feet and everything being connected to God. And for my family, my husband, I have three kids, ages 1211 And five. And they are such a gift to me. I I really, like just savor my time with my family, especially when we’re present with each other outdoors or playing a game together. Nature, just the beauty of the surroundings mountains, the ocean, that really lights me up good food. I mean, you have a lovely home to live here in the desert around beautiful agave plants and, and all the friends and coaches this community worldwide that I’m part of is just amazing. It’s been a huge blessing that I’m, I’m happy that you’re reminding me of the gratitude of just being around amazing people like you who’ve done a lot of inner work and are just full of love for themselves and others is a huge blessing and being able to share our stories and inspire each other’s amazing. Yeah,

Anna Ditchburn: 00:03:19

what a wonderful, wonderful things to be grateful for. And very often we take them for granted. And we just forget that it’s you know, all this abundance and all this happiness is just around us. I’m grateful you’re here today. With you, thank you. And then now I know you you haven’t shared your your story, really publicly. So I want to acknowledge your for for doing this because I know it will be so beneficial for so many people to hear it. But before we jump into your story, I know you’ve been asked this probably 100 times. But I would love to ask you what, what do you do? And what is your passion?

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:04:11

You mean as a coach? As a coach,

Anna Ditchburn: 00:04:14

I know you call yourself world’s best.

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:04:19

Yeah, I’ve also used the word ultimate. I mean, I’ve used different terms actually leave on your husband, I came up with the world’s best faith, courage and freedom coach because of it. I do I do love to help my clients lean into their faith, whatever their faith may be, you know, it may not be like my faith, but their faith in their higher power and themselves and their ability to serve the world and be aligned in their own values that way so and that’s the faith piece and then courage is like taking courageous action aligned with you know your values and your purpose. And then freedom is like freedom from anxiety and overthinking and worry because that’s been a big piece of my journey. My personal development is Freedom from all the the overthinking and the thoughts of, you know, what could happen, you know, all that not being in the present moment, essentially. So,

Anna Ditchburn: 00:05:10

and the world’s best is also your commitment to yourself,

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:05:15

for sure, yeah. And every moment, and it’s not like a high pressured, I’ve learned to sort of let go of the high pressure kind of, on myself coaching of like, I need to perform for my client, you know, and give them the tools, it’s more like, it now looks more like just being present to them with my heart being connected to God and my little girl within and, and me being connected, I give a space, I create a space for them to be connected to their heart. And that allows for them to open and share what’s on their heart and get in touch more with their, with what needs to be healed, but also with with what they want to create in their life as well. So, yeah,

Anna Ditchburn: 00:05:54

connecting to your inner self.

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:05:57

Yeah. Yeah, that’s such a big piece of it, that I continue to lean into is just being present to myself, allows other people to be present to themselves to if I’m not present to myself, then they’re not in a peaceful place with me, right? We’re just kind of like out there. So if I can be present with myself, it gives them in some sense of permission to slow down and be present to themselves as well.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:06:21

What was your journey to become a coach?

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:06:25

Wow. So that’s, that’s a very, can be a long winded question. So I, I practice law, right out of law school and had my first child a little over a year after I started practicing, and I decided to stay home with her. And that was wonderful. And, and I started to, I enjoy that time, but I needed the intellectual challenge. So I started to do part time work for my parents business in house employment type work, and my second child came along 2020 months after my first so it was a pretty intense like becoming a mother all of a sudden, and after actually in my third trimester, and after he was born, I developed pretty severe what became very severe sacroiliac joint pain in my lower back like the very base of the spine, and went through all kinds of practitioners, physical therapists, acupuncturist nothing seemed to help I saw a rheumatoid a rheumatologist who diagnosed me with autoimmune spinal arthritis. And so I had a long journey through motherhood with this pretty severe autoimmune condition. A little bit like ankylosing spondylitis, if anyone knows about that autoimmune condition, and I relied on my diet, no, like a Whole Foods, Paleo autoimmune type diet to manage it. And yet, I would still get pretty bad flares frequently, and I feel bad, I fell back on my faith, you know, in hard times, and I was just like, I can’t take this anymore. You know, my husband had left the law several years ago. And that was challenging for me, and my son had some behavioral challenges. So I just share this all too, to give a picture of like, my life felt very challenging to me. And it was all out there. It was like my health challenges. My husband not finding fulfillment in his career, the way I had hoped, my second child having emotional regulation issues. And when we moved out here to Phoenix, and my husband had already gotten into personal development I used, I wanted to share my journey with my autoimmune health challenges. So I started a website with a blog, and started coaching women in a Facebook group I created. And so that’s how coaching came about was I was, was like, I want to share the journey that I’ve been on and what’s been helpful to me and overcoming this severe health challenge, which, for me, brought so many dark moments where I just felt like, you know, When is this gonna end? How did I, how did this come about? What did I, what did you do to cause this? You know, it was just really challenging because I was pretty high level athlete and in high school and college, and I was still able to run at times, but it was just, you know, part of that identity, losing your identity in some sense when you have a severe health challenge. And that that was something that I felt like I could actually serve others with having lots of law with my health journey. So that’s how I got into coaching.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:09:12

It comes from what we went through what the over took,

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:09:18

for sure. Yeah, I think that was it was it was a bit healing for me, I think, to share what was helpful to me on that journey. And yeah, I could share more about the coaching, but we’ll probably get into that more.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:09:31

If we have time. Yes. I would love to hear about about this more. Yeah, I would love I would love to ask you. Because I know you went through a healing journey. healing process. And one. What was your trauma? Where did it come from?

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:09:52

Yeah, so so when I when I was about I think about three or four I don’t actually have a you know, timestamp on this But I, I would my parents have a very successful seedling nursery with, you know, customers worldwide and essentially grew up from the ground up for 40 years now, but their their business was like, maybe a quarter mile, I don’t know, behind our house where I grew up. And when I was taking naps at home, and my parents would, I think often lie down with me to help me fall asleep. I think it was at least once or twice that I woke up from, from a number of naps, maybe and just no one was home. And I was just, you know, extremely, extremely scared, sad, anxious. I just felt like a total panic attack. And it really wasn’t part of my memory, like my conscious memory for years. But anyway, just to share more about that, like it was just, I would just cry in front of like our families photo and my parents bedroom, I went to the back porch and screamed like Mom, Dad, it’s me, Joe and Claire, please come home. And I remember actually thinking like, I need to tell them, It’s me because I don’t want to have to think it’s some other really scared little girl like in the neighborhood screaming for our parents, I remember consciously thinking like, I need to tell them it’s me. And anyway, I feel like that. My No, it did it kind of embedded this traumatic response within my nervous system, or whatever you want to call that. And I didn’t really realize that was part of my I don’t know, my subconscious or whatever you want to call it for years until college when I went to Argentina, to study abroad after my freshman year of college. And I had a wonderful time. But then we went up to the Colorado, Steve was do these amazing waterfalls on the border of Paraguay, Brazil and Argentina and on the way back, and our tourist bus collided with a chemical carrying truck in the middle of the night. And I was on the back of the bus asleep when it happened. But I woke up and you know, glass all around me, it’s darkness, no one’s on the bus anymore. And that just brought to my memory like this, it suddenly came up like out of the blue, just this memory of being at home, and no one there and being by myself. And I didn’t really address that childhood trauma until becoming a coach. I did some EMDR to address the bus accident trauma in my marriage, early years. But it wasn’t until I actually had this the safe space of coaching with other peer coaches and my own coach to really dive deep and be present to that scared little girl, you never really, I guess felt felt safe or felt heard. Totally, you know, she was just still scared inside of me and just really anxious. And when that came up in my coaching journey and coach in my coaching program with other coaches, and then with my one on one coach, you know, the tears will come up continually, just like continued every time I tried, I kind of went in within and was present. And as your little girl I just felt just sad. And I think some pity for her, which wasn’t as helpful early on, but just mainly sad. And the tears would flow. And I didn’t know when it would. And so I I myself as an adult was kind of scared to be president with this scared little girl within me. But it wasn’t until doing a lot of work with my coach and learning to be present to her even with her sadness and her anxiety that I now no longer have like a sad response, you’re scared response to this, this little girl that you know, didn’t feel safe and didn’t feel they felt abandoned. You know, just and it’s funny how that manifested in different ways in my college and law school journey, actually, like I had some a couple more serious relationships with you know, I didn’t date in high school. It wasn’t until I went to Princeton and to to Notre Dame and I started dating and I had some more serious romantic relationships. Some of those broke off. It was very, I felt like my response was over the top. And since since that I think it was because I felt abandoned in some sense. Like even if it was

Anna Ditchburn: 00:13:55

something, something in you.

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:13:59

Yeah, exactly. Like even though it was, you know, in some sense, maybe I broke up or was mutual or whatever. It was like the severe abandonment feeling. And I think it was in part, this little girl and me that felt abandoned again, you know. And so it’s just been an interesting, wonderful journey to be able to come back to that little girl who was so scared and just learn to be present to her and learn to allow her to feel her feelings and not need to shutter up. You know, when I initially did my work with my coach, it was like, I don’t even want to be present to her. Like she kind of scares me because she’s sad and she’s scared and I feel like I’m gonna be drowning with her if I get too close to her and her emotions, you know, like, it didn’t feel like something, you know, didn’t feel safe in some sense for me as an adult, and with his, you know, loving guidance and presence it was I gave myself permission to just be present to her feel to connect to her and over time that just heal because it’s like a little child who falls down off a bike and gets, you know, their knee banged up or whatever, you don’t just shut them up and be like, oh, yeah, you’re okay, let’s just go inside and just stop, stop crying. I mean, we do that as parents, right. But it’s not that I’ve learned, it’s not the most helpful thing, what really needs to happen is for the child to be heard. And to let them know that their emotions are, are okay, and they’re safe, and they’re loved, and just give them time to be present to their own emotions so that they can be healed and move on, you know, it’s when we, when we shut it up, when we push down those emotions that, that they don’t, they don’t have the opportunity to heal and be released. So that’s what I do today for myself, in some sense, it’s just learning continually to go back and be present to her because in some sense, even though she has been heal, of this trauma, it’s, it’s a continual journey, I feel like I’m being present to your heart and your emotions and your vulnerability. Because even as an adult, right, I have emotions. And if I go too fast, and get into this mode of like accomplishment and achieving things or getting things done, she doesn’t feel heard, she feels like she just has to do more to be more. And so I’m learning as an adult and as a coach to continually to continually come back to my being to my own presence to myself, so that I don’t have this nervous energy of like, I have to do more to be acceptable. So that’s another piece of the I feel like, you know, some programming that I’ve maybe adopted, you know, because my family is so wonderful on there, we did so many wonderful things as a family and just spent so many loving moments together and camping and roller skating. But on the flip side, my family, my parents are very driven people, which is just wonderful. In many ways, we had very high standards of excellence. But I think it also can bleed into this mindset of like, I have to be accomplishing something to be worthwhile, you know, and so that’s, that’s kind of the pressure that I feel like my little girls felt, you know, whether it’s no one’s fault, it’s just how it’s developed. It’s just, this little girl feels like she has to do more to be more and I’m continually reminding myself and her that we’re okay, we’re perfect the way we are right now. That we can just be you know, take a deep breath and be in the moment together. And from there we can, we can act and create from a peaceful state versus a lacking state. So it’s interesting that you asked me about gratitude, I feel like that’s a big piece of it is just being grateful for what we have in the moment and loving our life right now and being commitment to happiness now, and not needing to achieve something to be happy, you know,

Anna Ditchburn: 00:17:44

gratitude. When you’re grateful for something, your show. You show your you show your universe that you have it, you, you have an abundance, the more you’re grateful for things, the more things are coming into your life. It’s from the place of love and being grateful. It’s a place of love and abundance, rather than curiosity, mindset, yeah. And your story is very, very close to my heart. Because I was abandoned by my biological father, when I was four years old, when he left our family, and my mom became like a 24 years old, single mother of two, during the heart, Russian economic depression. So and we had to survive, it wasn’t easy. And so many people just underneath this experience, when their parents leave, or just leave them for for some time being, you know, when you wake up, and you felt like you’re alone. I know how it feels. And this experience, this inner child can literally lead your whole life, your whole adulthood. So I’m so grateful. We’re talking about this today. Because I want people to realize that some things that you’re doing in adulthood life might be directly related to your childhood. And I’m so I’m so grateful you are you’re talking about being present with your inner child. John Claire, I just would love to deep dive a little bit more into these techniques. Okay, would you share some story when you’re like, what do you do to be present with your Do you meditate? Do you stay quiet? Like for people who, who don’t know anything about this will just give some Oh,

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:20:00

for sure, yeah, well, initially, when I did my deeper inner child work, I, it was different than it looks like today because I don’t feel like I have, I don’t cry when I think about my little girl anymore. If anything, it’s just love and affection like a little child that you just want to hug and squeeze and tell her you love her, you know, and so, but when I first started it, it was like, I have a picture here of my three or four year old little girl with just curls and kind of in this field of flowers, and she’s just sweet with her little flowers in her hands. And she looks a little bit sad. And I think that’s why I chose that picture. because it reminded me of those feelings that I needed to, in some sense heal. And I have pictures of myself with big smiles and you know, just kind of more carefree as that age, but for some reason, it’s that little girl, I feel that that, you know, in some sense, maybe needs a little more presence that does feeling some of that sadness. So I initially it was just looking like being visualizing or looking at that picture listening to some music. St. Jane has these lullabies for, I don’t know what they’re called lullabies for adults, or something I could share reference later. But one of the songs is Oh, I love you. And it’s just very, it’s beautiful. She kind of hums to the chance to the child, to your to your inner child, and just looks like being present to her and, and just Yeah, I don’t know how else to say just being present to that in your heart to this little girl or a little boy within you that is feeling the way they feel. And you don’t judge the feelings that come up, you just be present with it and allow it. And in listening to some music sometimes that can catalyze these emotions of connection with the child, right? Like, you can look at a picture of yourself. But sometimes music can help you get more feeling into that connection, you know, when you listen to certain songs that can inspire certain emotions. So my coach had suggested some that he listens to but I, I found my own that I resonated the most with that I felt really kind of sparked that. That loving connection and emotional, emotional connection to her. So that’s initially what it looks like, these days, it’s more like thinking of a picture or seeing a picture of her on my phone right here. And just just, you know, it’s just like a glance, like you look at your loved one and you smile at them. And you’ve just show your love that way. It’s just kind of like a momentary glance of like, I’m here for you, I love you, we’re here together. There’s nothing that needs to be said or done. It’s just like this connection, you know, I’m sure you feel it with leaving when you give them a loving glance across the room. It’s just kind of like that. It’s just like I’m here with you. And it’s also my declaration in many ways, as you know, you know, and it’s our ultimate coach community of just reminding my little girl of who she is, and creating this loving, beautiful bubble within safe space within us. It’s really beautiful. And what we’re creating in the world, kind of reminding her that. Yeah, one of my declarations is I’m adoration for my little girl within giving her my loving presence and attention, day and night. So it’s just a kind of reminding of myself of, of my connection to my little girl. And yeah, let’s say that’s, it’s also being playful. This is an intention I, I had with my daughter yesterday, like on Sundays, I really want to start maybe setting aside an hour to just draw and paint and with her and maybe my five role too. And I don’t know if my middle child will join in, but just taking opportunities to be more playful as well. It’s part of that connection, because I know my little girl’s very playful. She loves to be out in the Hawaiian ocean surfing or like, you know, being in nature hiking or getting in the water and just being being in nature is her real place where she feels the most alive. So nurturing her that way.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:23:54

Do you feel you? You try to nurture your kids more? Now, when you when you know all about your inner child? Do they did your attitude towards your kids change? Well, yeah, for

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:24:08

sure. Yeah, I mean, there’s always like, so I do a mental fitness program with my clients. And we learned about our saboteurs. And my top saboteurs were hyper achiever and controller. So I very much had this controller kind of, I don’t know, a way of being with my kids, even now. It’s something I have to look out for. And so I think with the inner child work, it helped me cut past that kind of veil of like, this is what they need to be accomplishing and doing and this is what they should know and just connecting with them. They’re just, they’re their essence. They’re just the beauty the way that God created them and just the way they are now, even with the idiosyncratic like, don’t clean up their room or brush their teeth or whatever. Maybe that’s not so idiosyncratic, which is the

Anna Ditchburn: 00:24:55

more internal connection Yeah,

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:24:57

just that heart to heart and in my five role he’s not But when I started this work, he was three and it was perfect because it’s like I had this, this little child that was the exact age that I most likely had this abandonment kind of trauma. And I could just be present to him in a way that felt so beautiful because he has curls. And I had girls of that age. And just, I don’t feel in some sense, I was like, question, am I using him? But no, it’s like, if you’re just giving love to this child, like it’s, I’m, he’s so blessed that he’s able to experience this from his mother. And she’s like healing herself. And she’s being this healing, loving, unconditional, loving presence, that I felt was really a huge gift and blessing that I had the opportunity to do this work when he was still young. You know, he’s five now. So he’s still young, but just at that age, I think we have a special bond because of that. Yeah, that I really cherish. So

Anna Ditchburn: 00:25:56

how am I using Am I using you know, I remember working with my inner child. Firstly, I thought, this has like nothing to do with my childhood, whatever is happening in my adulthood. But when I did work on my inner child in the child, I remember I was imagining my three year old self in front of me, and just being present with you’re looking at her, hugging her and just reassuring that everything will be okay. Yeah, sure, telling you how much I love your, how much I respect your n and that I am going to take care of you’re really helped me so and I love your technique with taking your photo, or choosing the photo, like and putting it in front of you. And putting the music it really, really helps to connect her sure

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:26:59

seeing that picture more often. Next to me was reminds me to connect with her. I was inspired by my coach having a picture of his on his phone to like we’re looking at our phones all the time. So she’s always there in the background. That’s a good one. Yeah, it’s like, I don’t know that you can over guess you could over connect with your child, if you get too wrapped up in like, you know if especially if it lends itself toward pity that was an area where I felt like I maybe went a little too far feeling like pity for her. It’s like she doesn’t need pity. She just needs love and empathy. And so that if there’s anything I might have done differently is allowed the tears to come but just admire and love her for just her true essence and not feel sorry for her. You know, because she that’s not what I don’t think anyone really wants to be felt sorry, for including our little child. You know, we just want our love and our presence. So yeah,

Anna Ditchburn: 00:27:52

just love and hug. Exactly. John clear for me, when I woke up, I would say I just connected all the dots, or some of my behaviors I was doing in my adulthood with my childhood. So for me, I was trying to please people, so they don’t leave me. And I know you mentioned a little bit your relationship when your boyfriend triggered your mass trauma. But my question, what else do you think? What how else? Do you think this trauma impacted your life? In your adulthood?

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:28:36

Yeah, well, it’s, it’s interesting that you bring up that kind of pleaser mode. I think you’re, I don’t know what you call that. Like, you don’t want to make anyone mad or, you know, lest you lose their their love. And then and that’s, that’s a dynamic, I’ve noticed that has been healed in many ways. It’s like, my husband, for example. I mean, I had not done any of this inner child work when we got married for the first bulk of our marriage. I mean, we’ve been married 14 years almost now. And it’s only happened in the last couple years. But when he would, when we would get in arguments, and he would kind of withdraw his his way of dealing with my anger, or my being upset was to withdraw. And to me, that was really scary. It’s like, No, you can’t withdraw. Like that’s, you know, you might leave me or like, and that was, and that was not a healthy dynamic in our marriage, because it’s like, I needed him to both change because that was the controller needed him to change. And then when he would draw, that was a feeling of being abandoned, and it was just like this unhealthy dynamic in our marriage. And so in doing this inner work, you know, it’s more than just the inner child work, it’s learning to see my thoughts is not reality and just create them in a useful way. But now, if he, you know, triggers me in some way or seems to withdraw in any way, I’m able to be that loving unconditionally loving presence for myself, you know, I don’t I just see if he’s upset with me or if he wants to withdraw that that’s his issue and what he’s dealing with and his judgments of himself or me or whatever. And I don’t need him to reassure me that I’m okay. And then I’m loved. And then I’m full and whole and complete. So that’s a beautiful change in our relationship that has come about as a result of doing his inner child work is that I can be full and full for myself and come to the come to him, where I can build himself, build him up and create him in a beautiful way and focus on his good and not need him to reassure me that I’m okay. I mean, there’s some dynamic there where we want to be, you know, told that were wonderful, and they were beautiful. And not like, I don’t, I don’t care about that anymore. I mean, we all have our love language, right. But it’s, it’s not a needy, and needy place where I feel the fear of being abandoned, or some sense if we get into a conflict or an argument or something we don’t really argue, but it’s just like, a conflict of some kind, you know,

Anna Ditchburn: 00:31:02

so that’s so important, not being needy, to someone,

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:31:08

for sure, I feel like even in after the year of working with my coach, and then I decided to go to Hawaii spontaneously on my own to go surfing and just like celebrate a year of doing this deeper inner work, and I don’t think I would have been able to do that emotionally. Like, even three years ago, or four years ago, I would have felt like kind of lonely, you know, like, How can I go to even Hawaii, which is so beautiful, how can I get a rental car and drive around island by myself and go surfing and meet people like, that just seems kind of scary. And like, I need to have someone there with me, like my husband or someone. But for me, it was just like this exciting adventure because it’s like, I’m in this loving relationship with my little girl and we’re just being playful and having fun. And it’s an adventure. And so that’s another fruit of doing the work, it’s just learning to be just be, have fun with myself, and like, go up to Sedona and halftime in the creek and I don’t think I would have, I would have felt lonely in the past doing that. I think it’s been beautiful to be able to just connect with my, like, my essence and my little girl and, and with her and with God, it’s like uncomplete and I love time with my husband and my kids still but it’s not like from a needy place. You know, it’s more from a be able to give from a full cup.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:32:25

How do you think your past experience is helping you with working with your clients?

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:32:35

You mean this with this inner child work and all that? Well, it’s certainly helpful for clients who have similar you know, it might not look the trauma might not look the same exactly as mine. But I think almost all of us from childhood have some wounds or beliefs that we’ve developed about ourself that haven’t been helpful. And, and I think many of us had an experience of not feeling like it was safe to be bullet to fully express our emotions. Maybe that’s just a natural product of parents kind of maybe the time period of like, you know, don’t show don’t cry, especially if you’re a boy or. And so I think it’s just, it’s, it’s allowing them, like I said at the start of this call to have presents with themselves that they’ve never truly maybe given to themselves because it wasn’t acceptable when they were younger. And so, if we don’t become present with those feelings, they stay. It’s just what I’ve learned in my own experience and with clients is if, if we don’t really allow those feelings when we’re little because our parents shushed us, or it wasn’t okay, or we’d look you know, like, we weren’t cool on the playground, or whatever it is, they stay with us, they stay boxed in and they, they use energy and, and in some sense, you know, cause us to not be our most powerful selves. And so when we can be present with that and heal it, it frees up a lot of energy to just truly be who we are and create from a loving place and not not this wounded. I don’t know what you call it sad or not feeling heard, kind of place of being you know. So I think for my clients, it’s just having gone through that myself, I can create a space where they can learn to do that for themselves too. And having been through that, it’s certainly helpful to guide them on that. And we don’t only do that it’s just that what comes up oftentimes, when we do work is we notice there’s areas What are still carrying some some emotional baggage or whatever you want to call it and and just and for me, it’s just being able to allow them to feel that and not not feel like I need to like fix them either just giving them permission to be with themselves in their emotions and like I have a client who her pet her father passed away several years ago and she wasn’t able to be with him. And she had a lot of anger toward her Father because of the decisions he made around the time when he passed that, that caused her not to be allowed to be with him. And so it’s just helping her be empathetic with herself, like her desire to truly be present with her father was a very loving, natural response. And so when she can be the empathy for herself, it opens up channels for her to be compassionate and understanding with her father, and forgive him for whatever, you know, for whatever decisions he made at the end of her life, at the end of his life, and so that you can, it’s just really can heal all kinds of all your relationships, when you learn to heal this one. It the effects ripple outward, to everyone even even sees family members? Well, it’s beautiful to see that.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:35:49

Absolutely. I agree with you, when you change yourself, everything start changing around around yourself,

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:35:55

just starts here, I think the most beautiful part of this personal development journey is feeling like it’s out there. And I can go there sometimes even if I’m not feeling the best one day or whatever, just like the problems out there. But then continually reminded the more and more practices of how it gets actually fear. And that’s really freeing, to be honest, even if you’re not feeling the best, and you kind of feel like things aren’t as good as they could be. It’s really freeing to know that actually, I have control over that. It’s not, it’s not because of this person, or because my husband did this, or my kid did this. It’s like it’s all here. And so I love I love the freedom that comes from that I have the choice to see people in a certain way or just just to forgive judgments of myself and others. And that’s, that’s a freedom and freedom. I didn’t know at all until I really got into personal development, which is so amazing.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:36:50

Freedom, I love it. Gently if people would love to get in contact with you, where can they find you?

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:37:00

Yeah, well, you can find me on Facebook Jonker Gilbert, and on LinkedIn under the same name. And I have a website. It’s when I made it was kind of more geared toward attorneys and law firms. It is geared toward that. But for my individual clients, it’s really like a high touch coaching, where we really help you heal that disconnect within yourself. And I use this mental fitness framework that really helps clients have distance with their thoughts and have the self awareness and go inward. So yeah, email, Facebook, LinkedIn, my website, John careerbuilder.com.

Anna Ditchburn: 00:37:38

Amazing. Thank you, Jen, Claire, I am so grateful for you to share your story. And I know, so many parents will probably resonate with your story and so many other people will probably recognize themselves in you. Thank you, thank you so much for being so open and honest. But before we go, do you have any concluding thoughts?

Joan-Claire Gilbert: 00:38:07

You know, I don’t, I think that I definitely had a lot of, and still do sometimes have anxiety, too, that’s that I need to grapple with. And so if I guess if you’re listening to this podcast, and you feel like there’s anxiety within you or you know, chronic anxiety or maybe even some depression at times, he might maybe look within and and see if there’s anything in the my story that resonated with you from your childhood and be open possibly to facing with courage, some of those moments from childhood or young adulthood, even where you felt, you know, in some sense, abandoned or disconnected with yourself and realize that it is very possible to heal that and move on and let it go. And in that turn that trauma or disconnection that you felt into a huge gift for yourself and for others, because if I didn’t have this trauma as a child, I don’t know that I would have this deep this relationship that’s as deep as it is with my little girl. So in that sense, it’s turned into a gift. And so, you know, maybe don’t look at these moments as darkness it’s, it’s like so heavy and you know, it is heavy in its own way. But but on the other side of it, it’s really beautiful and, you know, might bring you to some depths of connection with yourself and others that wouldn’t be possible otherwise.