In today’s episode, I am joined by the inspiring Tanya Gill, as she shares her adventure in healing with us. Tanya discusses just how hard it can be to share your story with others, especially with family, but to show up for yourself first, releases the power the trauma has over you. Loving yourself enough to tell your story takes courage and trust in yourself to break the silence. Tanya dives into healing as an ongoing adventure and to be so proud of putting yourself first to heal and speak your truth. We are part of the new generation that is breaking out of their silence and speaking up for themselves. Listen in to get inspired.
About our guest:
Tanya is your no-bs friend, teacher, social worker, and life coach! Her life has been many wtf moments including becoming a widow, struggling with weight and body image issues, dating after loss, single parenting, remarriage, and blending families. She is joyfully married to her second soul mate, the parent of 4 incredible kids (one of whom is LGBTQ2S+), and the momma to two sheepadoodles named Walter and Margaret. As a speaker, writer, and coach, Tanya steps into her life’s purpose daily – to INSPIRE HOPE.
A gift from my heart to yours…
Three easy steps to a lighter heart, body, and mind
https://www.perfectlyimperfect.wtf/3-easy-steps-to-lighten-your-heart-body-and-min
Here’s a bit about me:
our podcast (do you have an idea for a show, or want to be a guest?)
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/lighten-up-and-unstuck-your-what-the- fuck/id1615995631
let’s connect:
https://www.facebook.com/PerfectlyImperfect.wtf https://www.instagram.com/perfectlyimperfect.wtf/
And if you’d like to book a chat for… possibilities? https://calendly.com/tanya-gill-perfectlyimperfect/complimentary-spark-session
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Transcript
I know you, you’re afraid to speak up,
Anna Maydonova:you’re scared of what other people think of you. And you
Anna Maydonova:blame yourself for what happened to you. I know how it feels.
Anna Maydonova:Because I’ve been there. If you found me, I’m so grateful you
Anna Maydonova:are here. This podcast will give you hope. And I’m your host, in
Anna Maydonova:a made ANOVA. And I’m going to hold your hand and provide the
Anna Maydonova:guidance, it’s time for you to find your why. And turn your
Anna Maydonova:experience into your biggest power. This is your time now. So
Anna Maydonova:lock your door, put your headphones in, and enjoy.
Anna Maydonova:Sonya, when we first met, you shared something you have never
Anna Maydonova:ever shared with anyone before. And this happened of the back of
Anna Maydonova:me sharing my story. Would you? Would you let us know? What’s
Anna Maydonova:happened in your childhood?
Tanya Gill:The world is an amazing place. And the universe
Tanya Gill:has amazing ways of bringing people together. And I was it is
Tanya Gill:the universe putting us together in the most magical way. And I
Tanya Gill:was leaving interviewed me. And for his podcast, and then you
Tanya Gill:were just listening to me talk in the background and popped in
Tanya Gill:and I was like, Who is this beautiful human. And as you
Tanya Gill:shared your story, I became very overwhelmed because I too am a
Tanya Gill:victim of sexual assault as a child. And I had not at that
Tanya Gill:point had the conversation, the critical conversation with my
Tanya Gill:mom that I needed to have. And when you asked me to be on your
Tanya Gill:podcast, I was terrified. Because I was like, I haven’t
Tanya Gill:told my mom yet. And I don’t know how that’s gonna go. And
Tanya Gill:when you asked me, I knew at that point that I actually
Tanya Gill:wasn’t ready to tell her. I knew I was getting closer. But I
Tanya Gill:didn’t. I just wasn’t quite ready. And so I just let time
Tanya Gill:pass and kept showing up for myself. And all of a sudden, it
Tanya Gill:was like there was this fire in my soul that said it’s time it
Tanya Gill:is time. And so I did I went to her and I told her and then I’m
Tanya Gill:now able, because I’ve shared with my children, I am now able
Tanya Gill:to have this conversation with you. And hold space for others
Tanya Gill:who have had this experience themselves.
Anna Maydonova:What was your reaction? How did you tell here?
Anna Maydonova:And what was your reaction?
Tanya Gill:It didn’t go well.
Anna Maydonova:That’s okay. That’s okay.
Tanya Gill:I know. Um, you know, and and it’s, it’s
Tanya Gill:interesting, because I was so proud of myself. I was so
Tanya Gill:fucking proud of myself when I was driving up there. I was so
Tanya Gill:proud of myself because I was doing it right like to get to
Tanya Gill:that space. That’s kind of an incredible thing. Like, when you
Tanya Gill:and I talked before I hadn’t told it. It wasn’t public
Tanya Gill:knowledge, I guess. And I hadn’t told my mom. And when I knew it
Tanya Gill:was time, it was like, it was like, the only thing that I
Tanya Gill:could think about was like, I needed to release this. I needed
Tanya Gill:desperately to speak my truth. And so when I was driving up
Tanya Gill:there, I was so proud of myself because I was like, oh my god,
Tanya Gill:like I have literally turned my life around in the last year.
Tanya Gill:Because when I learned of this, I was so broken. And now I love
Tanya Gill:myself enough to trust myself enough to go by myself to drive
Tanya Gill:all the way up there to stay with her and to have an honest,
Tanya Gill:truthful, heartfelt conversation that I knew was going to be
Tanya Gill:super fucking hard. But I was like, oh my god, like I actually
Tanya Gill:love myself enough to do this. And I was so proud. And then
Tanya Gill:when I got up there it It of course, the feelings of UPS
Tanya Gill:trying to figure out, you know, there’s never the perfect time.
Tanya Gill:There’s never the perfect moment. There’s never the, and
Tanya Gill:it takes so much fucking courage because it’s as soon as it comes
Tanya Gill:out, you know, you don’t get to take it back. You don’t get to
Tanya Gill:take it back.
Unknown:So
Tanya Gill:we were sitting in the living room in the
Tanya Gill:afternoon, and I made tea, and we were having a cup of tea. And
Tanya Gill:I sat down with her and I said, you know, mom, like, I want to
Tanya Gill:talk to you about something. And she’s like, Okay, what, and I
Tanya Gill:just started to ball. Like, I just started to ball. And I was
Tanya Gill:like, I know, once I tell you this, I can’t take it back. And
Tanya Gill:I’m so scared to tell you, but I have to tell you. And so I took
Tanya Gill:her back to when my dad disclosed because he was in my
Tanya Gill:dad disclosed to me, in the hospital, and he didn’t, he had
Tanya Gill:COVID he had hearing aids, he had mental health challenges,
Tanya Gill:and he really was dysregulated. So the nurses let me go into the
Tanya Gill:hospital room with him. And honest to God, the universe put
Tanya Gill:me there in the most magical way, because it shouldn’t have
Tanya Gill:been me that went into that room. You know, the other person
Tanya Gill:I was with, has a closer relationship with him. And they
Tanya Gill:made the choice not to go in. And I was like, Holy fuck, I
Tanya Gill:guess I’m going in what? So when I went in, of course, I was
Tanya Gill:gound and masked and gloved and frickin face shielded, and all
Tanya Gill:the things because of COVID. But I went in with photos. And so
Tanya Gill:when I told my mom, that that day that he had shared with me
Tanya Gill:that I had lived, he was looking at a photo of me. And I was
Tanya Gill:trying to have him make the connection that I was the person
Tanya Gill:in the photo. And I had pictures from our wedding, which was only
Tanya Gill:three months earlier. So like, it’s not like it was a massive
Tanya Gill:amount of time that had passed. And he was like, oh, yeah, this
Tanya Gill:is my daughter’s wedding. And this is so and so. And this is
Tanya Gill:so and so. And he’s telling me about the different people. And
Tanya Gill:he told me about my mom. And he told me about some other people.
Tanya Gill:And then he saw me in the picture. And I was literally
Tanya Gill:pointing at the picture and pointing at me going like this
Tanya Gill:is fucking me, like, make the connection that makes the
Tanya Gill:connection. And then he’s holding the foot or he wasn’t
Tanya Gill:holding the photo, you had it in his lap. And he’s like, that’s,
Tanya Gill:that’s Daniel, that’s my daughter. And she’s lived her
Tanya Gill:whole life, like a caged animal. And it was like, What the fuck.
Tanya Gill:And then he kept talking any shared with me how he sexually
Tanya Gill:abused me as a child. And at that point, I didn’t have any
Tanya Gill:memories of it. But then driving home the same day, I started to
Tanya Gill:get the flashbacks. So there’s a lot more to the story of my dad
Tanya Gill:telling me but I shared with my mom what she needed to know. And
Tanya Gill:my whole message was, I love you. I don’t blame you. And I
Tanya Gill:even forgive him. And I never thought I’d arrive at place and
Tanya Gill:forgiving him. But I went there wanting to hold space and help
Tanya Gill:her through it. And I think that that’s what we do as empaths
Tanya Gill:Santa’s like, you know, don’t we, as empaths we’re always
Tanya Gill:holding space for other people. And it didn’t go well.
Anna Maydonova:What did you say? Tanya?
Tanya Gill:She didn’t yell. But she said very loudly. He did
Tanya Gill:not. He did not do it. She said I love her so fucking much. I
Tanya Gill:love her so much. And, and when when she said that I was like,
Tanya Gill:oh my god, like, Okay, I know that this is a shock. And I
Tanya Gill:still hold on to believing that a lot of this is a shock. And
Tanya Gill:this is asking her to uncover and look at a lot of different
Tanya Gill:things in her own life. And I want to be there to help her
Tanya Gill:with it. But kind of also need her to be there for me. And she
Tanya Gill:said this isn’t going to change my love for him. And I thought
Tanya Gill:and I told her I said I don’t need it to and I don’t want it
Tanya Gill:to. I’m like but I need you to know this. I need you to know
Tanya Gill:this happened. I need you. And I know she was shocked. But when I
Tanya Gill:asked her if it changed her love for me her answer was I don’t
Tanya Gill:know. And it’s such a strange place when you’re hurting inside
Tanya Gill:and holding space for another person because you know, they’re
Tanya Gill:hurting. But that person’s reaction is where you are hurt
Tanya Gill:is. And, and, you know, it feels like you’re sitting in a bit of
Tanya Gill:a blender. But I tried desperately to open a space to
Tanya Gill:talk about it and, and she didn’t want to, she didn’t want
Tanya Gill:to. And you know, here’s what I’m gonna say about my dad, my
Tanya Gill:dad grew up with, like, my dad had a very traumatic life. And I
Tanya Gill:quite honestly believe my mum saved his life because she
Tanya Gill:taught him as best she could, how to love. He grew up in a
Tanya Gill:very dysfunctional home, lots of addiction, lots of mental
Tanya Gill:health, he himself had had mental health issues, he’s
Tanya Gill:bipolar, lots and lots of different layers of stuff. And
Tanya Gill:my mom, I really believe, like, her resilience to stay in that
Tanya Gill:marriage with everything that he put her through. And that they
Tanya Gill:experienced together. And the time that she spent going up
Tanya Gill:behind him and cleaning up his messes, when he blow it with her
Tanya Gill:boss or her family or different people. I mean, this is like a
Tanya Gill:Molotov cocktail and everything she’s put in jars on the shelves
Tanya Gill:over the years. And I’m not trying to create that hurt for
Tanya Gill:her. But I had to tell her because I also knew that first
Tanya Gill:of all, is part of my healing. So selfishly, I had to do it for
Tanya Gill:myself. Me first. But also, I have children. And they need to
Tanya Gill:know. And they need to know not only because I needed to ensure
Tanya Gill:that they weren’t victims, but also because they need to know
Tanya Gill:that if you know someone that this has happened to, or if this
Tanya Gill:ever happens to you, or if someone tries to interfere in
Tanya Gill:your personal space, sexually or otherwise, and it doesn’t feel
Tanya Gill:good. You don’t have to fucking keep it a secret. So like,
Tanya Gill:secrets are so poisonous. And I just I’m like, I can’t, I cannot
Tanya Gill:do the secret. I can’t play the secret game. I can’t pretend
Tanya Gill:this isn’t real. And everyone comes to this from a different
Tanya Gill:lens. And I’m recognizing that there are people who are like,
Tanya Gill:Okay, if it happened, it happened and put it away. Let’s
Tanya Gill:just go back to getting groceries, or having a family
Tanya Gill:barbecue or whatever. It doesn’t work this
Anna Maydonova:way. It doesn’t turn out this story is amazing.
Anna Maydonova:You are such an inspiration for others, Tanya, and
Anna Maydonova:unfortunately, sometimes it’s really hard for people to hear
Anna Maydonova:our stories. And this is the only story we’re not allowed to
Anna Maydonova:tell.
Tanya Gill:And I you know, here’s the thing about that. I
Tanya Gill:think that there. There are a few pieces like number one, I
Tanya Gill:think that we’re moving to a place where we’re recognizing
Tanya Gill:that it that there’s that intergenerational silence,
Tanya Gill:right, the intergenerational silence of, you know, your mom’s
Tanya Gill:reaction, right. And, and I do believe that some of it is
Tanya Gill:generational like, and I don’t doubt, I don’t doubt that there
Tanya Gill:are way more women of that generation that were sexually
Tanya Gill:abused and assaulted and, and, and hurt. And now we’re moving
Tanya Gill:into generations who are speaking up and saying, This has
Tanya Gill:to fucking stop. And the only way it’s going to fucking stop
Tanya Gill:is if we say no more. This happened to me. And people need
Tanya Gill:to know that it doesn’t need to happen to them and they don’t
Tanya Gill:need to suffer in silence. And I really believe like I’m so sorry
Tanya Gill:and and yet hearing this hearing your story Anna, it does it
Tanya Gill:gives me me beautiful hope. And, and, and I also think that you
Tanya Gill:know what you said about your mom saying that she knew and she
Tanya Gill:kind of turned a blind eye if you will, locked away, walked
Tanya Gill:away. I think that I think that a lot of women historically and
Tanya Gill:maybe even presently feel so trapped, and so fearful
Tanya Gill:themselves. And and don’t trust themselves enough to either
Tanya Gill:recognize what they think they’re seeing and trying not to
Tanya Gill:see. Right? Because there are flags, I don’t fucking give a
Tanya Gill:shit when anybody says their flags. And I’m going to share
Tanya Gill:something very, very interesting and mind blowing with you. I
Tanya Gill:grew up knowing that one of my dad’s biggest fears was that he
Tanya Gill:would be accused of sexually interfering molesting abusing
Tanya Gill:me. In fact, when I said this to mom, she said to me, you know,
Tanya Gill:one of his biggest fears was that you were going to accuse
Tanya Gill:him of this one day. Okay? Here’s the thing. That’s not
Tanya Gill:fucking normal. She knew that’s not fucking normal. And I recall
Tanya Gill:a time and I can tell you honestly, I, I’ve had some out
Tanya Gill:of body experiences in my life, one of my out of body
Tanya Gill:experiences I now recognize was actually when I was being
Tanya Gill:abused. Another of my out of body experiences when I was
Tanya Gill:around 15, or 16. And I was having a really big argument
Tanya Gill:with my dad. Very, very common for he and I to argue I was the
Tanya Gill:protector of my mom, I was the one who always stood up and kind
Tanya Gill:of got in between and, and, and stood up for her and acted as
Tanya Gill:her voice often when she was backing away. And he and I were
Tanya Gill:having this argument in the living room, and he start he was
Tanya Gill:yelling at me how lucky I was how lucky I was. And I was like,
Tanya Gill:Lucky. And I was like, why am I so lucky? And he was like,
Tanya Gill:You’re lucky that I never
Laban Ditchburn:touched you.
Tanya Gill:Every father has those thoughts about his
Tanya Gill:daughter, you’re lucky I never touched you. And immediately I
Tanya Gill:like literally had this total, bizarre out of body experience.
Tanya Gill:And it was like I was looking in on this conversation happening
Tanya Gill:between the two of us going, what the fuck is this? Who says
Tanya Gill:this to their kid? This is messed up. And so you know, that
Tanya Gill:was that was a conversation that existed, or a message that
Tanya Gill:existed for I don’t know, for sure how many years I’m going to
Tanya Gill:be 48 I was abused when I was around three. So 45 years, this
Tanya Gill:story’s existed, maybe all 48? I don’t know. But that’s another
Tanya Gill:example I think of where a red flag is something that you turn
Tanya Gill:a blind eye to, because you just don’t want to think that the
Tanya Gill:someone you love would do this to someone else. You love.
Anna Maydonova:Tonya, and you don’t have to answer this
Anna Maydonova:question. But I’m just wondering, what are those
Anna Maydonova:flashes? What do you remember was happening?
Tanya Gill:I was small. I was small. I was in laying asleep I
Tanya Gill:was asleep on my parents bed. And the light in the hall was on
Tanya Gill:and the door was open. And well, he abused me. I focused on
Tanya Gill:different things in the room and and if you will, I floated
Tanya Gill:around the room. So I know exactly what picture was hanging
Tanya Gill:over the bed. I know what color the clock was I could I if I if
Tanya Gill:I could draw. I could draw the clock because I focused on the
Tanya Gill:clock with such distinct detail. Like it was a white clock. It
Tanya Gill:had the little flip numbers. It had a little dial that rotated.
Tanya Gill:The radio thing was across the bottom like I mean, I know that
Tanya Gill:clock with extreme detail and and I literally floated around
Tanya Gill:the room while it happened.
Anna Maydonova:This is very common. What’s happening to
Anna Maydonova:victims of sexual abuse. How are you dealing Hang with those
Anna Maydonova:memories. Now.
Tanya Gill:I’m really, you know what I, it’s been over a year
Tanya Gill:now, I guess, because it was December of 2020. Right that he
Tanya Gill:disclosed to me. And I’ve been working really diligently with
Tanya Gill:my therapist and, and really working to, to continue to step
Tanya Gill:into a place of loving and trusting myself in this journey.
Tanya Gill:And that’s kind of the biggest piece, my therapist is amazing.
Tanya Gill:I’ve done a lot of EMDR. And I do recommend EMDR for trauma,
Tanya Gill:because EMDR super powerful for trauma. But you know, you see
Tanya Gill:your therapist once every two or three weeks, because you can’t
Tanya Gill:afford to see a therapist every day. So you’ve got to show up
Tanya Gill:for yourself every day. And you know, like, for me, part of it
Tanya Gill:is, like, honestly, like my self love adventure, right? What I
Tanya Gill:do, the, the path that I created for myself is what I’m now
Tanya Gill:sharing with women. And that’s like, showing up for yourself
Tanya Gill:every day in gentle ways, where you express gratitude, and you
Tanya Gill:set yourself a plan for the day, and you recognize what’s good in
Tanya Gill:your life. And what you love about yourself every single day,
Tanya Gill:so you’re so my process is just reinforcing that for myself,
Tanya Gill:right? Because one of my biggest struggles through life was
Tanya Gill:around worthiness. And, and nothing fucks with your
Tanya Gill:worthiness, like this. And, and then of course, when I chose to
Tanya Gill:speak my truth, and it landed so poorly, immediately, it went
Tanya Gill:back to my worthiness. And, and so, you know, and healing is a
Tanya Gill:process, and I don’t like to even call it an adventure. I
Tanya Gill:don’t like to call it a journey. I like to call it an adventure.
Tanya Gill:Because you can look at it as like, Holy fuck, this sucks. And
Tanya Gill:this is hard. And this is shit. And you know what the truth is?
Tanya Gill:It is. But it’s also like, everyday has an opportunity to
Tanya Gill:be a little bit better to learn a little bit more, to trust
Tanya Gill:myself more, and to know that the choices that I’m making are
Tanya Gill:the right ones for me. And, and like a perfect example of that
Tanya Gill:Anna is I historically spoke to my mother, every single morning
Tanya Gill:8am when things didn’t go well. I tried to give her some space.
Tanya Gill:And I actually brought it up again, later. And she asked a
Tanya Gill:question and then shut me down. And then and I say shut me down
Tanya Gill:as and she just didn’t want to talk about it. She was just
Tanya Gill:like, she just wanted to make dinner and go back to like,
Tanya Gill:everything was normal. And I can understand that because that’s a
Tanya Gill:really safe reaction to being in shock, right. But then I spent
Tanya Gill:the whole night crying. And I stayed. And then the next
Tanya Gill:morning, I knew it was like I have to talk to her, we have to
Tanya Gill:talk about this, or I can’t sit in this I can’t be here, which
Tanya Gill:was an awful thought because I was supposed to be there another
Tanya Gill:day. And in the morning when she said she didn’t want to talk
Tanya Gill:about it, and she was like, just wanted to go about making plans
Tanya Gill:for the day. I was like, I have to go home. Like I just I needed
Tanya Gill:to be home. And like leaving was so hard. And you know, packing
Tanya Gill:up and knowing like I gotta go like I have to leave, like this
Tanya Gill:conversation is not going to continue and I have to leave.
Tanya Gill:And when I left. I hugged her. And I told her I loved her. And
Tanya Gill:she told me she loved me. And I haven’t talked to her since. And
Tanya Gill:so you know, it’s been three weeks, and it hurts like a
Tanya Gill:motherfucker.
Anna Maydonova:Oh, I can imagine.
Tanya Gill:And at the same time every single day. I’m like, I
Tanya Gill:know that I did the right thing. I know that speaking my truth
Tanya Gill:even if nobody wants to believe me, or people aren’t and when I
Tanya Gill:say nobody that’s the other piece of it is people have the
Tanya Gill:choice of whether or not they want to believe me. They do they
Tanya Gill:have The choice. And I just have to accept that they can choose
Tanya Gill:whether or not they’re going to believe me, my mom did say to me
Tanya Gill:in that conversation, he’s not here to defend himself. And I
Tanya Gill:was like, You’re absolutely right. The question becomes, if
Tanya Gill:this wasn’t the truth, why the fuck would I bother sharing it
Tanya Gill:after he was dead? Like exactly like, what? What’s the value of
Tanya Gill:me dragging him through the mud when he’s dead?
Anna Maydonova:I think, you know, you know, Tanya, not every
Anna Maydonova:single experience are going so well, when we admit what was
Anna Maydonova:happening to us as a children. In many cases, we try to protect
Anna Maydonova:our parents. And the more we try to protect, the more we keep
Anna Maydonova:silent, the more the more we keep silent, the more we we are
Anna Maydonova:suffering. And then consequently, our kids start
Anna Maydonova:suffering because we didn’t go through this, through this
Anna Maydonova:trauma, their kids start suffering because to heal the
Anna Maydonova:trauma, it takes seven generation before and seven
Anna Maydonova:generations after. What you’ve done is an amazing thing. Really
Anna Maydonova:amazing. This is so inspiring. I just want people to know, if
Anna Maydonova:it’s not your parents, or your kids or your family, there are
Anna Maydonova:always people you can resonate with. Who will understand you
Anna Maydonova:who know exactly how you feel. And if, if you’re looking to
Anna Maydonova:talk to your parents, or your friends, your family, you need
Anna Maydonova:to make sure you told this story to yourself. First. You need to
Anna Maydonova:make sure that you are okay with the your boss. And you need to
Anna Maydonova:make sure that now Mara, what was the reaction be? You trust
Anna Maydonova:yourself, and what you felt you trusted yourself? You felt this
Anna Maydonova:desire to tell her? How she talk is telling me that maybe she
Anna Maydonova:didn’t know exactly, but she could feel something. It’s your
Anna Maydonova:mother’s instinct. And she was proud probably trying to bottle
Anna Maydonova:it up all her life. And then you’re you’re confronting her
Anna Maydonova:right now. And it’s hard for her to admit that. She failed. She
Anna Maydonova:failed to protect. That’s what my mom told me. She feel so
Anna Maydonova:guilty for not protecting me. But what are you can do, Tanya,
Anna Maydonova:you can just put your hands on your chest and say, Tanya, I
Anna Maydonova:love you. I’m here for you. Here for me. For me. Exactly. I am
Anna Maydonova:here for me. I’m the only person who matters in my life.
Tanya Gill:And in that is exactly it Anna that is exactly
Tanya Gill:it. Like had I not intentionally stepped into building love for
Tanya Gill:myself and with myself every day. Had I not actually taken
Tanya Gill:the steps to create something intentional for myself. I don’t
Tanya Gill:know if I would have arrived here because it is a process and
Tanya Gill:a practice of building trust. And And now again like Yeah, it
Tanya Gill:hurts it hurts. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t hurt. I’m not
Tanya Gill:gonna pretend like it was back and perfect. It’s so perfectly
Tanya Gill:in buck and perfect. Got right it is. But I trust myself. And
Tanya Gill:that was why I said you know what, it’s time to talk to Anna
Tanya Gill:it’s time to have a conversation with Anna about this. I’m
Tanya Gill:starting my own podcast Anna it’s launching. Oh my gosh, it’s
Tanya Gill:launching on March 27 I can’t even believe it. That’s like
Tanya Gill:Eric Gill and
Anna Maydonova:congratulations
Tanya Gill:Thank you
Anna Maydonova:What is your podcast will be about
Tanya Gill:So my podcast is called lighten up and unstuck
Tanya Gill:your What the fuck? With Tanya girl this name and it’s really
Tanya Gill:about we move through tons of what the fuck moments in life
Tanya Gill:and it’s about how to literally lighten up and how to still live
Tanya Gill:with joy and goodness and peace and create the life we deserve
Tanya Gill:because we only get one Anna you know it right? And how to do
Tanya Gill:that in those WHAT THE FUCK moments because that’s what
Tanya Gill:lightening up is right to lighten up is to actually be
Tanya Gill:able to shine in your soul. That’s what It is
Anna Maydonova:to be connected to yourself to your inner inner
Anna Maydonova:child. Yeah, he’s so
Tanya Gill:connected to all of you,
Anna Maydonova:all of you, Tanya, before we jump into your,
Anna Maydonova:one of your Waterford moments that has changed your life
Anna Maydonova:forever. I’m really curious if you have an opportunity to speak
Anna Maydonova:to your family, to your husband and to your kids about what’s
Anna Maydonova:happened to you.
Tanya Gill:So, my husband found out as soon as I got home, from
Tanya Gill:my dad’s disclosure, because when I got home, I fell apart.
Tanya Gill:And so my husband knew. And also, I have a group of people
Tanya Gill:in my life that I refer to as my High Council. My High Council
Tanya Gill:are, they’re not just best friends, they are, you know, at
Tanya Gill:any time of day, if they called me and said, I need $25,000 And
Tanya Gill:bring a shovel. I would be there no questions asked. Because I
Tanya Gill:know they wouldn’t be the same for me. Do you know what I mean?
Tanya Gill:Like they’re like, those are those people? Right? Yes. And
Tanya Gill:what I also realized is that in order to have the kind of
Tanya Gill:relationship that I have with those high council people, it
Tanya Gill:takes incredible vulnerability on both parts. That is what
Tanya Gill:makes a high council friendship. Gold. Yes. And so I told my, I
Tanya Gill:told my husband and my High Council and then also my
Tanya Gill:therapist, obviously. So when I came back home from telling my
Tanya Gill:mom, I arrived home a day early. And immediately my son was like,
Tanya Gill:what’s going on? Why are you home early? What what’s
Tanya Gill:happening what like, and he could see, because I cried
Tanya Gill:basically all night, all morning all day. Like I, I just looked
Tanya Gill:like, I’d been hit by I don’t even know what like I just was,
Tanya Gill:I didn’t know. Actually, I did, unfortunately, but I thought
Tanya Gill:that I would start to run out of tears. And I remember actually,
Tanya Gill:when my, my first husband passed away that I remember thinking,
Tanya Gill:I’m gonna run out of tears. And and that was the same site that
Tanya Gill:I had, actually with this conversation with my mom.
Tanya Gill:Anyway. So I had the conversation with right away
Tanya Gill:actually, I took my one son, and I said, like, where’s your
Tanya Gill:brother? Let’s go chat with him. And I’ll explain what’s going
Tanya Gill:on. And so I told them and, and their reaction was so
Tanya Gill:heartbreakingly beautiful, because I knew when I told them
Tanya Gill:it was going to change things for them. And I also needed to
Tanya Gill:tell them why I was home and that things didn’t go well
Tanya Gill:telling grandma, so I was hitting them with all kinds of
Tanya Gill:pieces, right? I was hitting them with this is what grandpa
Tanya Gill:told me and this is when and you know, and this is where I am and
Tanya Gill:I told grandma and it didn’t go well. And I don’t want them to
Tanya Gill:ever ever question their love for their grandma like they have
Tanya Gill:such a close relationship with her. So it cushion that in so
Tanya Gill:much gentle packaging with grandma’s in shock This is just
Tanya Gill:This is just so much for her to take on. She just needs some
Tanya Gill:time to process like I’m I do not want them to hate her I
Tanya Gill:don’t want them to ever question their love for her in any way.
Tanya Gill:And their reactions were so beautiful. They cried for him
Tanya Gill:with me when I told them what had happened to me they
Tanya Gill:literally held me told me I was sorry they were that it it
Tanya Gill:happened
Tanya Gill:and one of my sons was like when I explained you know that my
Tanya Gill:honesty was being questioned. He he got really angry. Really
Tanya Gill:appropriately angry though, and he was like you don’t people
Tanya Gill:don’t make this shit up. This is not something you fucking make
Tanya Gill:up. And
Anna Maydonova:what a small boy
Tanya Gill:well and you know, their their tenderness and their
Tanya Gill:compassion. Question and their understanding and their love.
Tanya Gill:And also helping them understand like that they can grieve in
Tanya Gill:this too, and that I’m here to support them in grieving in this
Tanya Gill:too, because this is I mean, this is a different level of
Tanya Gill:information about their grandpa, right. But I also did have the
Tanya Gill:conversation, I’m like, and I want you to know, if something
Tanya Gill:happened to you. Like, I’m here, I love you, I believe you, I
Tanya Gill:trust you. Like, we will get through this together. Like,
Tanya Gill:don’t think that you have to keep some kind of secret. Like,
Tanya Gill:we love each other enough to be able to hold space and get
Tanya Gill:through this together.
Anna Maydonova:This is gold. Tanya, I was waiting for this
Anna Maydonova:moment. Thank you so much. It’s so important when your kids
Anna Maydonova:know, they can trust you.
Tanya Gill:You know, what’s amazing, though, is one of my
Tanya Gill:kids was like what they both said that they had no memories,
Tanya Gill:but then my, one of my kids was like, but you didn’t have
Tanya Gill:memories for like, 46 years. So who knows? Right? I’m like,
Tanya Gill:well, Edie, if at any point in your life, you have any memories
Tanya Gill:at all. I love you, and I’m here for you. And then he kind of
Tanya Gill:laughed, like, you know, it’s amazing, right? Like, you have
Tanya Gill:those little fluctuations in energy and, and it was
Tanya Gill:beautiful. And for me, it was also affirming that I’ve done a
Tanya Gill:good job raising my kids. Like, as a single parent, I’ve been a
Tanya Gill:single parent, since they were four and eight months old, I got
Tanya Gill:married in 2020. I was a single parent through all of that. And
Tanya Gill:so to have my 15 and 18 year old boys hold me and say they were
Tanya Gill:sorry, and they love me. And it’s like, oh my God, I’ve done
Tanya Gill:a good job raising these boys and they are not going to
Tanya Gill:perpetuate this. The generations or the generations of trauma are
Tanya Gill:stopping. And now we’re moving into the generations of healing.
Tanya Gill:Right.
Anna Maydonova:Tanya? How did your relationship with your
Anna Maydonova:sounds has changed after you open up?
Tanya Gill:You know, what’s so amazing is it’s only been a few
Tanya Gill:weeks, right? It really has it’s only been a few weeks. But wow,
Tanya Gill:it has changed so much already. It feels more loving, light,
Tanya Gill:open, connected, joyful. Like, I can’t even tell you how
Tanya Gill:different the energy of our family has changed. And, and,
Tanya Gill:and. And it’s kind of feel it’s so beautiful. We just went for a
Tanya Gill:week away. And as a family and it was six of us for the first
Tanya Gill:few days. And then two kids had to go back to work. So then the
Tanya Gill:other two stayed with us. And I mean, we’ve got kids between the
Tanya Gill:ages of 15 and 22 or 23. And the level of connection that we have
Tanya Gill:as a family is different. It’s stronger, it feels more free and
Tanya Gill:more loving and more open and vulnerable and safe. And I see
Tanya Gill:it in them like the kids are like even little things they’re
Tanya Gill:they’re being more open to being vulnerable. Like the freedom
Tanya Gill:that is coming from this just within our own family is so
Tanya Gill:beautiful.
Anna Maydonova:This is so amazing. Tanya I’m so so happy
Anna Maydonova:to hear this because you might help them to change. You might
Anna Maydonova:help your mother to start her healing process. Heal healing
Anna Maydonova:What did you say journey not journey adventure, adventure
Anna Maydonova:adventure. Because there is no not easy to hear. No idea but my
Anna Maydonova:my relationship with my mother has have improved dramatically,
Anna Maydonova:she became a mama bear. She became so protective over me.
Anna Maydonova:She would never ever tell my stepfather any bad words. And
Anna Maydonova:now she turned, she turned around. And she literally saw
Anna Maydonova:him when he was driving to work in the car. And she jumped on
Anna Maydonova:the car. And she started to smashing the car and yelling,
Anna Maydonova:how dare you are touching my, my daughter? The relationship
Anna Maydonova:completely changed. I, what I’m what I think. Now, with your
Anna Maydonova:mother, you don’t have any elephants in the room? You can
Anna Maydonova:be open and honest with your about everything. And Tanya, I
Anna Maydonova:think watch. There is something coming from sorry. And
Tanya Gill:I bet you and I, I trust, I really do. I trust that
Tanya Gill:when the time is right, she will reach out. I also know and this
Tanya Gill:is a very hard thing. And I had this conversation with actually
Tanya Gill:one of my high council members just the other day. Because she
Tanya Gill:knows that I talk to my mom every day, she knows that eight
Tanya Gill:o’clock in the morning, it’s been really, really hard for me.
Tanya Gill:And I also know that I can’t reach out to her. And and that,
Tanya Gill:for me is a really interesting space to be because I really am
Tanya Gill:someone who is a connector. Like I’m the one who reaches out
Tanya Gill:almost always I’m like, I like bringing people together on the
Tanya Gill:extrovert. I’m that person. And in this case, I can’t do it. I
Tanya Gill:need my mother to be my mother. And that’s the only way I can
Tanya Gill:explain it. It’s like the little girl in me needs my mom to come
Tanya Gill:to me. And I can’t go to her to try and make it okay for her.
Tanya Gill:And I will that’s the thing. That’s the tricky thing. Because
Tanya Gill:even as I say it, I’m like yeah, but you will Tanya and I will
Tanya Gill:like I will be there to help her understand and move through it
Tanya Gill:and process. And I mean, God, maybe that’s why I actually
Tanya Gill:became a social worker. Maybe that was actually the divine
Tanya Gill:purpose. I don’t know, with all of the different things that
Tanya Gill:I’ve had in my past what their purposes are, but I want to be
Tanya Gill:there for my mom. But I need her to be the one who reaches out to
Tanya Gill:me. And you know, my bestie she asked me what would you do? What
Tanya Gill:will What if she doesn’t? And I’m like I have to trust she
Tanya Gill:will.
Anna Maydonova:Tania, have you found your purpose in life? Yes.
Anna Maydonova:What is it?
Tanya Gill:It’s in my mother’s handwriting on my arm. inspire
Tanya Gill:hope
Anna Maydonova:for what an amazing purpose. And you all
Anna Maydonova:hope your story is hope. You can be your own parent. You can you
Anna Maydonova:can talk to your inner child.
Tanya Gill:We spend lots of time together. And I think the
Tanya Gill:other thing that people need to consider about the inner child,
Tanya Gill:and this is something that I’m learning as well, is that I
Tanya Gill:thought for over a year for actually almost two years, I
Tanya Gill:have a picture of myself as a child up. And I have a little
Tanya Gill:kind of meditations shrine, if you will, I don’t like the word
Tanya Gill:shrine, but I have a little meditation area and I have a
Tanya Gill:picture of myself as a child three or four in that area. And
Tanya Gill:I’ve had that be a part of my life for a couple of years. But
Tanya Gill:now when I look at that little girl i i know that she’s a
Tanya Gill:little girl that that had the trust stripped from her in a
Tanya Gill:really unfair and horrible way. And but I also recognize that
Tanya Gill:she is not the only inner child that needs recognition. I have
Tanya Gill:another inner child that’s like almost eight years old, who has
Tanya Gill:stuff going on. And then I also have that inner child who was
Tanya Gill:15th or 16th, who was standing up and fighting with my dad. So,
Tanya Gill:you know, so I’ve got different, I’ve got different inner
Tanya Gill:children that I’m spending some time with and paying attention
Tanya Gill:to what they need. And that’s really it, right? They need me,
Tanya Gill:first of all, to love myself and trust myself, because I am the
Tanya Gill:adult in this relationship right now, the relationship with
Tanya Gill:myself, I’m the adult, I get to make the decisions. It’s really
Tanya Gill:fucking exciting that I get to decide, nobody decides for me.
Tanya Gill:And I also get to decide for those kids and I get to decide
Tanya Gill:the best things for them. Right, I get to show up for them and be
Tanya Gill:like, Girl, we’re gonna fucking do it. We’re having a dance
Tanya Gill:party in the messy backyard today with the dog because
Tanya Gill:everybody needs to do. And we’re going to, we’re going to rock
Tanya Gill:our ships. Today, we’re going to have amazing coaching sessions
Tanya Gill:with clients, we’re going to, and we’re going to every single
Tanya Gill:day, we show up every single day that me and the girls show up.
Tanya Gill:It’s not just a fucking win, but it’s an opportunity to shine.
Anna Maydonova:That’s what I called Turn your trauma into
Anna Maydonova:your superpower. Right? Because it doesn’t, it doesn’t have to
Anna Maydonova:be yes, trauma can destroy our lives. Yes, it takes our power
Anna Maydonova:away. But it doesn’t have to be this way. This trauma, this
Anna Maydonova:healing is your source of superpower. Right now. There is
Anna Maydonova:nothing to be afraid of. Right now. You live through this now.
Anna Maydonova:And now it’s in your in your hands in your power to, to do
Anna Maydonova:whatever you want in this life,
Tanya Gill:to do whatever I want, whatever you want,
Tanya Gill:whatever any one of your listeners wants. Like we have
Tanya Gill:that ability to make the choice, right? And don’t like yeah, and,
Tanya Gill:you know, you talk about the trauma healing is a process and
Tanya Gill:it is a practice. Like, I really, truly believe that you
Tanya Gill:have to show up for yourself intentionally to move toward
Tanya Gill:healing. And it doesn’t mean it has to be fixated on what that
Tanya Gill:is, it means it needs to be fixated on loving yourself and
Tanya Gill:taking care of yourself. Right, that’s where that’s where
Tanya Gill:healing comes from. And, and you know, like, you can choose, you
Tanya Gill:can choose to sit in, I am trauma, I am a victim, I am
Tanya Gill:worthless, because this has happened to me. Or you can say,
Tanya Gill:this is part of my story. Potentially it happened for me,
Tanya Gill:which is also really fucking scary to say, my father sexually
Tanya Gill:abused me for me. But maybe the for me was part of me being now
Tanya Gill:with you and like you, sharing our voices and saying, This
Tanya Gill:isn’t okay, and inspiring other people to step into their own
Tanya Gill:self worth and their own love, and realizing that whether it’s
Tanya Gill:happened to you, or whether it hasn’t. We all know it’s not
Tanya Gill:fucking okay. And we all need to love ourselves and each other.
Anna Maydonova:That’s so beautiful, tiny why helping
Anna Maydonova:people is so important.
Tanya Gill:I know that I was put on this planet to help
Tanya Gill:people. I know that from the time I was a child to to this
Tanya Gill:very moment. I’ve always been a helper. And I think that some of
Tanya Gill:us are naturally born into helping roles. And I think that
Tanya Gill:we’re nurtured into helping helpers as well. And I think
Tanya Gill:that when we are empathic, and we feel what other people feel.
Tanya Gill:And we care so deeply. That being a helper is a double edged
Tanya Gill:sword. But it’s the purpose, right? Like, I know that there
Tanya Gill:are costs of being a helper but at the exact same time, like
Tanya Gill:when I have the honor of seeing a light bulb moment for one of
Tanya Gill:my clients. When I get a text message from a client who says
Tanya Gill:oh my god, I just did this, or thank you for helping me or or
Tanya Gill:I’m having a really fucking great day and I love myself.
Tanya Gill:Like I actually have gotten text messages from clients who say
Tanya Gill:I’ve had a really great day and I love myself and I’m thinking
Tanya Gill:like that is so fucking awesome, right? Because, because it’s, I
Tanya Gill:don’t, it’s a funny thing because I love helping other
Tanya Gill:people. But ultimately I want people to be able to help
Tanya Gill:themselves too. And we are having this human experience on
Tanya Gill:this planet, all 6 billion of us needing to find our way forward.
Tanya Gill:And we are up and for love. And for me helping is about love.
Tanya Gill:Like, I really truly believe that I am loving light, you are
Tanya Gill:loving light, we are all loving light. And if I can help you in
Tanya Gill:some way that helps you magnify your love and light a little bit
Tanya Gill:more. That shits contagious.
Unknown:Oh, he’s
Tanya Gill:like, and so that’s the beauty of being a helper,
Tanya Gill:because I get jacked on seeing other people get jacked, doing
Tanya Gill:amazing things for and with themselves. And then the people
Tanya Gill:who are in their direct realm are also being positively
Tanya Gill:influenced. And the people that are in their direct realm are
Tanya Gill:also being positively influenced. And it’s like
Tanya Gill:dropping a little tiny love bomb and it creating this massive
Tanya Gill:ripple of light and love forever and ever. Magic.
Anna Maydonova:I love it, I love it. And then it’s a such a
Anna Maydonova:healing process for yourself. Right? Isn’t it when people when
Anna Maydonova:when you when you know how people feel, when you know how
Anna Maydonova:to help, when you know what to do, we can go through everything
Anna Maydonova:when you have those tools, and a bit of confidence and a bit of
Anna Maydonova:help from people who went through this before.
Tanya Gill:And the community are very important to wave that
Tanya Gill:art that community is so powerful. I really do. And when
Tanya Gill:we find our people and we find our tribe and and or in in my
Tanya Gill:business, I call it the collective. And so people who
Tanya Gill:are members of the self love adventure become part of the
Tanya Gill:collective and the collective is like those people who are on the
Tanya Gill:same time. And when we find the people who are on the same path
Tanya Gill:and we can speak honestly and just share and be together
Tanya Gill:without expectations. There is so much magic in it.
Unknown:I agree with you.
Tanya Gill:Yes, hello.
Anna Maydonova:Why people can find you Oh right.
Tanya Gill:People can find me on the socials at perfectly
Tanya Gill:imperfect dot WTF. and my website is also perfectly
Tanya Gill:imperfect. Dot WTF. So perfect. And my email address is Tanya at
Tanya Gill:perfectly imperfect dot WTF. And you know what I know, the
Tanya Gill:perfectly imperfect WTF is, is really, it’s really embodies who
Tanya Gill:I am like, I am so perfectly imperfect. I am a recovering
Tanya Gill:perfectionist, who is like, okay, you know what, it’s time
Tanya Gill:to just step forward and do your thing, even if you do mess it
Tanya Gill:up. Because what the fuck moments happen everywhere. And
Tanya Gill:we can decide if they’re what the fucks? Or if they’re, what’s
Tanya Gill:this for? So yeah, so that’s where you can find me, you can
Tanya Gill:find me there. And I’m actually starting, I don’t know when this
Tanya Gill:is going to be broadcast. But I’m starting a new self love
Tanya Gill:adventure on April 2 For people who are interested in joining.
Tanya Gill:It’s 90 days, it’s only $99. And it’s worth 349. But I keep it at
Tanya Gill:$99. Because I know that when people don’t feel a lot of self
Tanya Gill:love, they also don’t feel like investing in themselves. And so
Tanya Gill:I’m like, I want this to get into the hands of as many people
Tanya Gill:as possible. Because it’s a simple process of showing up for
Tanya Gill:yourself that really does build that momentum of self love. It’s
Tanya Gill:gorgeous. It’s so gorgeous.
Anna Maydonova:So investing in yourself is the the most
Anna Maydonova:beautiful thing that I’ve ever done for myself.
Tanya Gill:Me too.
Anna Maydonova:It’s so important. You can’t do this on
Anna Maydonova:your own. You need this community of people who knows
Anna Maydonova:who know what to do who went through this, so I reckon it’s
Anna Maydonova:gonna be amazing. Thank you Well Tanya, before we go, do you have
Anna Maydonova:any concluding thoughts?
Tanya Gill:You know, Anna, I was really nervous about
Tanya Gill:speaking with you. And one of the things that I’ve been really
Tanya Gill:paying attention to is, the feelings in our body around
Tanya Gill:nervousness and excitement are often the same. And I was
Tanya Gill:sitting before we met, and trying to decide if I was
Tanya Gill:nervous, or if I was excited. And I told you just a few
Tanya Gill:seconds ago that I was really nervous. And the truth is, I was
Tanya Gill:legitimately nervous because talking honestly about this
Tanya Gill:still does feel really fucking scary. I’m going to be honest,
Tanya Gill:it does, it feels scary. But as I’m sitting here, right now, I’m
Tanya Gill:noticing that the feeling that I have in my body is also
Tanya Gill:excitement. And that is because every time I talk about it, it
Tanya Gill:gives me an opportunity to feel a little more free. And so, I
Tanya Gill:guess, you know, my closing thought is that if one of your
Tanya Gill:listeners is a victim of sexual abuse, sexual assault, and they
Tanya Gill:haven’t shared it with anyone yet, find that one person that
Tanya Gill:they can trust. Because the first time you share it, it
Tanya Gill:hurts like hell. But as you speak your truth more, it feels
Tanya Gill:more and more freeing, and your soul actually feels lighter and
Tanya Gill:lighter, and more. Whole again. So it’s worth it. The freedom is
Tanya Gill:worth it. It really is.
Anna Maydonova:Tanya, thank you so much for sharing.
Tanya Gill:Thank you, Anna. I enjoy you. I love you. You are a
Tanya Gill:beautiful soul. And I am so grateful for our friendship, my
Tanya Gill:friend.
Anna Maydonova:I love you too. Tanya, you’re such an
Anna Maydonova:inspiration.
Unknown:You’re awesome.
Anna Maydonova:Ladies and gentleman, Tanya Gill Gil. Thank
Anna Maydonova:you for being here. I know it’s not easy. But there is a part of
Anna Maydonova:you, who is ready to take this journey all the way. And I can
Anna Maydonova:help. Reach out to me directly at Aina at nma the nova.com to
Anna Maydonova:get to work. You can also connect with me on Instagram,
Anna Maydonova:Facebook, LinkedIn. For more healing stories and magic. This
Anna Maydonova:journey is impossible to do on your own. So make sure to like,
Anna Maydonova:subscribe, and review the podcast so we can help more
Anna Maydonova:people like you. If you have someone in your life who is
Anna Maydonova:struggling to overcome their trauma, this is something you
Anna Maydonova:can give them that truly can change the course of their life
Anna Maydonova:forever. We’ll see you next time for another episode of the
Anna Maydonova:world’s best Trauma Recovery podcast. And just to remember,
Anna Maydonova:you are able to help yourself and you can do it right now.
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